So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
