nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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