I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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