What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
