Buhtt sex?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
