I just made out with a guy for $7.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
