3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
