Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
