1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
