He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
