I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
