I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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