Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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