I puked a lego.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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