failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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