Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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