If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
