Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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