He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
