Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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