does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
