Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
