The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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