He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
