watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
