I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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