margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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