woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
