ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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