I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
