Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
