he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
