If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
