Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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