im drinking this country out of the recession.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
