susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
