He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
