I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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