Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
