There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
