i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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