I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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