theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
