Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
