Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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