Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
