Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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