look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
