I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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