Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
