at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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