who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
