Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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