My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
