Who wears a wallet chain?!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
